Before I was married I did not believe in divorce outside of the most extreme situations. To me it seemed that too many marriages were ending in divorce creating unnecessarily broken families. The concept of divorce seams way too easy of an escape when 2 people can't seem to work with each other. I've had friends tell me that "You don't know what it is like until you are put in that situation". Well I tell you I am in that situation now by being married. It has not been easy but my marriage has survived and continues to survive. We do not have some special bullet proof marriage. The only difference may be the respect we have toward the institution of marriage that we take the commitment to heart to work through our problems.
Now that I am married the thought of divorce makes me anxious. In the US and Canada 40 percent of marriages fail. That is high! For people that are in me and my wife's situation the percentage is more like 90 percent in the first 2 years fail. I should have divorced my wife long ago but I would not have considered it, I didn't do it, I won't, I'm glad I didn't, and it scares me to be without her. Also I REALLY love my wife. Its not an equal partnership and a lot of things are not working the way either of us thought it should, I accept that. Although she is the one to use the D word as a threat to control a situation, I will never say it. I can only control my actions but divorce would never be my choice. I don't believe that it was by chance or that I am lucky, I believe God's hand has been steering the boat in this marriage and I am blessed that my marriage with my wife has lasted. After 13 years I am at a place to be more confident about my marriage and less anxious about our future. I am also at a point in my life that if the worst case happened I would be OK. But what I talk about here has to do with my personal choices that I control, not the things that I cannot control. I take the commitment of marriage seriously, I don't consider throwing in the towel when things are tough. I went into marriage thinking it would take a lot of effort on my part to make it work. I feel the work had a side effect to turn me into a better person. As it turns out much of the work was to make a lot of change in my life that I didn't know was needed and I would have never known if I wasn't married to my wife.
To a larger degree our marriage persists due to God and our beliefs. It relates here but I will save that for another blog.
I have never been divorced. Since being married and having worked through some of the most difficult situation and disappointments my view on divorce has only strengthened. I can almost imagine how bad the heartache of coming out of failed marriage can feel and what it takes to come back from that can't be easy. I don't wish it on anyone.